


I Want To Believe You More Than Anything (But I'm Not Sure How)

by Forever_And_Always_Dreaming



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Engagement, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Longing, M/M, Murder, Pet Names, Sadness, Somewhat, Unhealthy Relationships, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming/pseuds/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming
Summary: Inspired by the Ted Bundy Netflix movie, Remus is taken into custody after police suspect him of being the Mindscape Murderer. Logan, his lover, is distraught and tries to figure out whether he believes Remus is innocent or not. Roman is convinced he isn't.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. Wrap Your Arms Around Me (But Don't Tell Me Where You've Been)

**Author's Note:**

> My friend and I watched the Ted Bundy movie after Halloween and I got very inspired so I wrote this fic for it! I don't believe anything gets too graphic, but trigger warning on anything murder related and toxic relationships. Next part should be coming out next week.

"Remus Prince, your boyfriend, has been brought into custody this evening. We believe he may be responsible for the Mindscape murders. I'm sure you've heard of them." Logan's eyes widen.

A few weeks ago a young woman was chased by a man who she believes is responsible for the disfigured bodies found scattered here in Mindscape, Florida. Forensic artists managed to create a sketch of the man. The only flaw in this was she couldn't remember if he had a mustache or not. So they made two versions. When Logan saw them on the news, he instantly thought of his boyfriend. They matched almost perfectly. The only odd thing was, there was no signature silver streak in the suspect's hair. Logan and several of their friends always made jokes that that was the only difference between Roman and him. This detail gave Logan hope.

So he called Roman, Remus's brother, right away. He asked a few questions but Roman seemed to have been at work those nights. He even offered to call and get Logan proof. So Logan believed him. Roman then insisted Logan gave a tip to the police about Remus since he wasn’t home the night the police suspected the murders took place. And so, Logan gave a tip and told them what he knew.

"Thank you for informing me, but I'm sure you have the wrong man."

"I'm not supposed to give my opinion, Mr. Berry. But the suspect in the sketch and your boyfriend match up quite well. Roman Prince has already been cleared." Logan swallows hard, internally pleading with himself not to cry. It doesn't prevent the tears from swimming in his eyes.

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"You will have to come into questioning tomorrow morning. If you're cleared then you should stay low and inside. If you want to schedule an appointment to see him, you can. But I would be careful if I were you.”

“Would he harm me? He is my boyfriend, correct? And he hasn’t done so before.” Logan wrapped his fingers around the telephone cord as he takes shallow gasps of air.

Remus had never so much as raised his voice to Logan. The twins had grown up in an abusive household, so they made sure they wouldn’t be the same. But how was Logan to know for sure if he wasn’t lying? His boyfriend seemed to be a very honest man, but in these times it was hard to trust even someone you loved dearly.

“I’m not sure, Mr. Berry. He could have been waiting to, or he could be innocent for all we know. Either way you need to ensure your safety.”

“Alright.”

“And remember you can always email me if you have any questions. Goodnight Mr. Berry."

"Thank you, have a good night as well." Click. Logan drops the phone, furiously wiping at his tears. He will not cry. Why would he cry over a possible murderer? 

_That's because you're in love with him, idiot._

He sinks to his knees, tears slipping down his cheeks. Everything is too much, too much. It hurts, it hurts so bad. He gasps for air through hiccups and sobs. How could Remus do this? Did he even do this? How was he supposed to choose between the love of his life and the logical reasoning?

He doesn't know how long he's on the floor crying before warm arms engulf him. His heart skips a beat when he automatically assumes it's Remus. But everything comes flooding back, and he lets out a heart-wrenching sob.

"Logan? Lo, I need you to breathe. Can you hear me?" Logan shakes his head.

"Need Remus." He sobs.

"You don't need him, Lo, I'm here for you. Okay? Take a deep breath in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight." Roman says softly, holding him close. Logan struggles for a few minutes, but eventually, he gets the hang of it. After ten minutes, he's coming back to reality.

"My apologies, Roman." He mumbles, voice groggy as he cleans his glasses with his shirt before putting them back on.

"Hey, look at me." Roman takes his chin in his fingers and tilts his head. This way, they're staring into each other's eyes.

"You never need to apologize for crying. Everything is going to be okay, alright? We'll get through this together." Logan's eyes fill with tears again. He moves closer to bury his face in the crook of Roman's neck. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon soothe him, but not as much as the smell of the ocean and musky cologne would. He tries not to think about how he may never get that again as he begins to fall asleep.

After talking things over the next morning, Roman and Logan decided it would be best if Roman moved into the guest bedroom.

"We'll be safer this way." Roman had insisted. Honestly, Logan had been too tired to protest. Not physically tired, Logan would insist. Emotionally tired, drained from all the changes that were happening around him. Remus was no longer there to make sure he didn’t work late. And there was no one providing warmth in Logan’s freezing bed. Which brought up old memories, and made him sob all over again.

_"Lo? Are you cold, my Scorpius?”_

_“I believe that is physically impossible Remus as your body temperature seems to be higher than the average. And we are currently embracing.”_

_"Glad I can be your personal heater then!”_

Cold nights were so very lonely.

He was also beginning to gain new grey hairs. And his cheeks were becoming hollow. He needed a break, and with another person there he could get one. So Roman moving in had seemed like a reasonable option.

Several weeks passed, with the town only growing more confident that the murderer at large was Remus. Even Roman. But Janus Snake was the best lawyer in the country. He fought for countless cases, winning almost every single one. He truly believed Remus was innocent. So against Logan's better judgement, he kept his hopes up.

He made plans to see Remus at noon that day and provide him with hope as well. They would be okay. At least that was the plan until he sat down to have breakfast with Roman.

"I'm not saying Remus is a villain or that he did those crimes. I'm just saying there are no other suspects, and the evidence adds up. He was always late coming home from work, remember?" Roman spoke, drizzling syrup over his pancakes.

"But if he is innocent then the murderer or murderers could be anywhere, ready to strike, and we wouldn't know it."

"I get that, but you need to think about this logically. I know you're not stupid enough to rely on emotions for this case. So let's face the facts. He was late often, the sketch is very similar, the bodies were found in the city he lives in, and that lady pointed him out." Logan spread Crofters jam on his toast as he thought about what Roman had said.

"She said she couldn't be certain."

"That's because the poor girl was scared of getting hurt by him again. It's better for all of us if he admits to his crimes. So try to talk to him about it today, okay?" He reaches over and squeezes his hand. Logan nods. He could try, and then he would know for sure Remus is innocent. And then he could come home to them.

_To Logan._

“Alright. I will.”

“Lo, I’m so glad to see ya. The people here don’t help with the thoughts the way you do.” Remus says happily as the officers take off his handcuffs. They leave the room, shutting the door softly behind them.

The police had checked Remus before he came in, so there's no threat to Logan's safety. And they're right outside the door, ready to come in at any given moment. So why did Logan's heartbeat still quicken? Is it because Remus could be a possible murderer or because he wants nothing more than to run into his arms? That is illogical, he should not feel this way. Remus could be a dangerous criminal. He knows that.

His heart does not.

His vision blurs with tears, so he ignores Remus in favor of wiping them away.

"Lo? Oh, Scorpius, my star, I'm so sorry for all this." Remus says, uncharacteristically quiet. He cups Logan's cheeks, tenderly wiping away his tears. Logan hiccups, staring into the other's emerald grey eyes. He wants to move away but he can’t. Is this what those victims saw before they took their last breath? Or is this a sight reserved only for Logan?

He can't tell, and it scares him badly. He doesn't like not knowing, and he especially doesn't like doubting himself. But that’s all he’s been going through for the past few weeks.

Remus wraps an arm around his waist, tugging him closer until they're chest to chest. For a moment, Logan allows himself to be held. He buries his face into Remus's neck and breathes in all that he has missed, and all he's longed to have again. The smell of the ocean at high tide and musky cologne soothes his nerves about being here. At this moment, Remus isn't a suspected murderer. He's the man who has always been there for Logan.

The boy who snuck through his window as a teen to comfort Logan, even if it meant getting grounded. The man who threw dill pickle flavored popcorn at him during movies. His lover who always kept him warm in bed at night, _his personal heater_. But his senses come back to him, and his thoughts start to betray him. Did Remus fake all of their happy moments? Did all that mean nothing to him?

He must have spoken the last bit out loud because Remus's arms tighten around him as he shakes his head. The scruff of his mustache tickle Logan's cheeks, causing him to let out teary giggles.

"You mean everything to me, Scorpius baby. I wouldn't trade you or any of our moments for the world, even if it would be fun to take the electric chair out for a spin." Logan takes a deep breath in, savoring everything in the moment for what it is. One final chance of being happy with the love of his life. Then he moves out of Remus's arm. Remus whines, reaching to pull him back in, but Logan evades his touch. Everything is too good, too normal. As if they're running around the kitchen island in the morning, Remus chasing after him to drag him back to bed. With Logan insisting they'll be late but going back to bed anyway if even for a few moments.

That wasn't going to happen again. Logan had to understand that. Roman even warned him this would happen. Remus could be manipulating him right now, and Logan won't even know it. So he decided to ask a question that would prove if Remus is guilty or not, just like Roman and him planned.

"If you want me to believe you then you have to tell me something."

"Anything, anything at all," Remus says desperately, bouncing in place. It takes everything in him to stay still instead of rushing forward and gathering Logan into his arms again. To hold him as long as it takes to get his love to believe he's innocent. But he could understand Logan’s caution. He had always been the smarter one. So he would answer every question if it got the other to be closer to him. He could do that, right?

“Why were you always so late coming home from work?” Remus froze, Logan noted.

“Anything else, please, baby. I’ll answer anything but that.” But Logan was already shaking his head, a sad smile crossing on his face. Roman was right, he had to get out of here.

“Scorpius? Lolo, come on. You know I didn’t do it, please, baby.” Logan stepped forward, rubbing his tears away as he took off his promise ring. He held it out for Remus to take, who was frantically shaking his head. Hot tears spilling down his cheeks.

“No, no, no. Please, Scorpius, love, you can't mean that.” Logan only kept his eyes down as he took Remus’s hand in his own and placed the ring on his palm. He had to move on, he had to go. He had to get out of here. But he needed one more thing.

He pressed a soft kiss to Remus’s lips. Immediately, Remus shoved forward to explore his mouth with his tongue. The sea and dirt mixed in such a weird way but tasted so good. It tasted like home. So much so that Logan lost touch to reality for a moment. Until Remus wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. This is too good. He knows if he stays any longer he’ll never leave. So Logan breaks away, turning his head when Remus's lips chase after his own.

He shakes his head and begins to head to the exit. Even as everything in him screamed to go back to the love of his life. All he has to do is turn back, and fall into the arms of the man he adores. It's so tempting, but he can't. He needs to be strong.

“Baby, please, don’t. I love you.” Remus calls once he gets his voice back, jumping up to go after him. He manages to grab his arm, tugging him back slightly. Officers rush in, grabbing Remus. Logan stops for a moment and looks back at him. Remus’s eyes are wide with hurt and pain. Logan swallows thickly.

“That’s half of the problem.” He mutters, before walking out the door with an officer. Remus struggles in the hold the officers had on him, reaching out to grab Logan. Tug him back, and fix everything. But it was too late, Logan's gone. He's gone and he isn't coming back.

_Remus lost him._

He holds tight onto his ex-fiancé’s ring and _breaks._


	2. The Ending to the Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan starts to realize Roman may not be all he appears to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood warning, toxic relationships, please check tags and stay safe.
> 
> This is a vent, just ignore it:
> 
> When your brain tells you that you absolutely have to publish the last chapter on Wednesday (for no reason at all) so you do but now you have no motivation to double check it or even like the story anymore. I feel like it's not as bad as I think it is, but I'll probably orphan it. It also has 50 errors on Grammarly. I fixed the basic ones but I really don't have the energy to do anymore. I should, because I can relate a lot to it. But I really just can't care anymore. Perhaps in a month or so, I'll fix it. For now, I'm sorry for not making it better.

“I told you to stop calling here. You’re only making Logan hate you even more.” Roman hissed into the home phone one evening. 

“Please, Ro, I just want to talk to him once. Only once.” Remus pleaded, clutching desperately onto the phone. 

“You couldn’t even if he wanted you to. He fell asleep crying over you again. You’re not even here, and you’re killing him.” That felt like an arrow through Remus’s heart. Not a real arrow, otherwise his blood would be all over and the officers probably wouldn’t like that.

“Ro? I got the groceries.” Logan said, very much not asleep as he opened the door. He raised an eyebrow at Roman, curious. “Who are you talking to, work?” 

“Yeah, just work.” Logan hummed, walking over to hug him.

“Why are you lying? And didn’t you just say he was asleep?” Since Remus talked loud, it was almost like he was on speaker. So naturally, Logan heard him. 

“Remus?” He asked. “I thought you said work was calling Roman, and as far as I know, talking to Remus isn’t apart of your job.” 

“I said that to protect you.” 

“From what? He’s not even here. I don’t need protecting, Roman. And need I remind you, we’re still together. I have the right to talk to him.” 

“Still?” The twins echoed, one excited and the other pained.

“Until further notice, now can I speak to him?” Roman huffed and slammed the phone onto the table before walking out of the room. Logan flinched but picked up the phone hurriedly. 

“Hello? Are you still there, Remus?” 

“I’m here, baby,” Remus murmured, his voice low. Logan did not shiver. 

“It’s Logan, Remus. Now, what do you need?” Remus whined.

“I need to talk to you, to hear your voice. It’s been so long, Lo. And last time I saw you wasn't on great terms.” Logan understood the pain but held his ground. He would not cave into temptation. 

“I don’t have time for games, Remus. Do you need something or can I hang up?”

“I was hoping you’d come to the next trial. I want to prove to you in person that I’m innocent.”

“I don’t know-” 

“Please, just if I can’t prove it to you then you… you can leave me forever. I won’t ever bother you again, okay?” Logan winced at that, taking in a sharp breath. He hated the sound of it, but it was a good offer. Remus bit his lip anxiously. He didn’t like the sound of it either, but he had an idea. One that would work, as long as he gave it everything he had.

“Alright. Is that all?” Remus hummed. 

“I guess.” 

“Goodbye, then.” 

“Goodbye, Lo.” They both stayed on the line, listening to the other breathe. Just as they used to do. Remus didn’t want to ruin it, but he decided he may as well say what he wanted to anyway. Just in case this was the last time he’d get to.

“I love you, baby, so much. You don’t have to say it back, just remember that. Okay?” A beat of silence then,

“I love you too, Cephy.” Logan whispers, voice shaky and so small. 

Remus ached to hold him. This whole thing had made his loud and confident Logan, quiet and cautious. It hurt to not be able to protect him. But, there was good news. 

Logan still loved him. He even called him Cephy, Remus’s favourite nickname. He hadn’t heard him say those words in so long, he feared he would never again. But he did, and now he had hope. He would prove to Logan that he was innocent, no matter what.

“Really?” He asked.

“Don’t push it,” Logan said lightly, closing his eyes. 

It took everything in him to hang up.

~ 

“So, what was that about?” Roman asked from the couch. 

“He wants me to be at his next trial.” 

“What? No.” Roman shakes his head.

“Yes, and honestly I’m considering going.” Roman’s eyes widen, and a flash of anger causes his eyes to darken.

“Why would you even think of considering going to that?”

“We made a deal. If he can’t prove to me that he’s innocent, then he’ll leave me alone. He just wants a chance.” Roman’s quiet for a long moment, hands balling up into fists. Logan takes one, massaging the fingers before moving to the next. 

“I don’t like this.” 

“I know, but I think it’s a good idea.” Roman snatches his hand away and stands up. 

“He’ll just manipulate you even more than he has now.” 

“Like you? I know you’ve been unplugging the phone while I’m asleep just to tell me lies about him later on.”

“I’m protecting you!” Logan rolls his eyes.

“You have a weird way of protecting me, Prince. He can’t get to me here.”

“So what? You’d rather go to the trial and run into the arms of a murderer? He’ll say anything to get on your side.” 

“He’s your brother! You’re supposed to love him as much as I do.” 

“Oh, so you love him now?” 

“I always have, Roman. And I’m not sure I’ll ever stop, so get your head out of your ass and consider the possibility that he could have been framed.” Roman scoffs.

“Now you’re being stupid. Just because you want your little lover to be good, doesn’t mean he is. If he gets to you, he’ll kill you without mercy, Logan. He doesn’t care about you, he never has.” Logan’s eyes widen, hurt flashing in them. 

“Sometimes I wonder who the evil twin is.” He spits out, before marching off to his room. He hears the door slam a few minutes later. Roman doesn’t come home for a few days. When he finally does he has bruises and scratches he refuses to explain. And there’s a wild look in his eye that makes Logan’s gut churn.

~ 

“Please, can you tell me anything else about the case?” Logan asked. Roman had been leaving more, and getting angrier when he was home. Logan had a bad feeling about it.

“Well, we narrowed it down to Remus through DNA and family bloodlines. Which, next to not telling where he was those nights you said he came home late, are the largest pieces of evidence they have against him. The murderer covered their tracks very well.” Janus informed.

“Is there anyone else it could be?”

“The DNA showed Roman Prince as a suspect as well, but he insisted he was with you at those times. And since you said you’re with him often, we believed him.” Logan froze. 

“I would like to confirm that Roman did say that. Is that true, Janus?” 

“Yes, why?” 

“Neither of the twins were around those nights. I remember because I would call Remus. I wasn’t scared, but it was pleasurable to check in with him.” He got up off the couch, walking to the window. Good, Roman’s car wasn’t in the driveway. “I observed the call logs to confirm the dates before I talked to the police about him being a suspect. Roman was never with me. And when I asked him before suspecting Remus, he said he was at work.” 

“I’m going to talk to the police about this. Is Roman with you currently?” Janus asked. 

“No, I just checked now and he isn’t back. He said he was going out. I didn’t ask where. He’s been doing that a lot lately.”

“Have you heard of the newly discovered bodies? They think it’s linked to a different case because Remus isn’t out. But the methods of murder are so similar.” 

“You don’t think-”

“I’m coming to pick you up now. Pack a bag, we can talk to the police together. But you need to get out of there.” Logan nodded, scrambling to get to work. 

~

“And that’s why my client Remus Prince is innocent on all charges, and Roman Prince is the true murderer behind these cases.” The judge nodded. 

“There’s still one thing I don’t understand.” They spoke. 

“And that is?” 

“Why would Remus Prince lie about where he was? If he was innocent, he would have no reason to lie.” Janus glanced at Remus and nodded. That was his cue.

“Your honour, I knew the only person I look identical to is my brother. And I never thought he was the killer. So I figured I could get out of this without revealing my secret, except that didn’t work as I planned. The truth is, I’ve been working at an underground tattoo parlour after work for months to save up.” 

“If this was true, why wouldn’t you inform Mr. Berry?” 

“I was saving up to propose, your honour. I had just bought the ring when I was brought into custody. Janus and the police recovered the ring from a hidden compartment in my closet.” Janus nodded, revealing the ring. It looked like an octopus curling around the band. The suckers were sapphires, shining in the light. 

“And now I only have one question. Logan, I know we’ve been through a lot this year. But I hope I proved you wrong, for once.” He laughed, wiping away his tears as he gets on one knee. 

“And I hope you say yes.” Logan sighs but smiles, tears filling his vision.

“It’s a maybe until we can figure everything out.” 

“It’s a maybe!” Remus cheers, kissing his cheek quickly before returning to his spot. 

And Logan knows, one day, he will say yes.

~ 

Roman was proven guilty after one week. Everything fell into place as they considered him a suspect and soon he was on death row. Due to how horrific the crimes were. His last meal request was lasagna and garlic bread, but they ran out of the latter. And the last person who visited him was Logan Berry.

Roman smiled at Logan and took the phone in his hands. He gestured for Logan to do the same. After a few minutes, he sighed and did. 

“Hello?” He said.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come, I’m so glad to see you.” Logan took a deep breath. If Remus could survive all that he went through those months, he could survive ten minutes here. 

“I do not want to waste my time, Roman. I want this to be fast, so I never have to worry about seeing you again. I only have one question, and I’d appreciate it if you could answer it.” 

“What’s the question?” Roman asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you kill me? You had every opportunity, I’ve always been a heavy sleeper. Were you waiting till Remus was killed?” Roman looked down. 

“Lo…”

“I have nightmares about it. I wake up in my dream to find you there, and you start choking me. And you don’t stop until I’m… I’m…” He trails off, hands reaching to touch his throat. Roman shakes his head. 

“I would never hurt you.” 

“That makes no sense. None of this makes any sense. Just tell me, please.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lo. Anyone but you.” He mumbles the last of it, tears falling down his cheeks. 

“You have been all this time. Not physically, but mentally. You need to let go of me and tell me the truth so I can heal. Please.” Logan begged, tears threatening to spill as well. Roman sighed, running a hand through his hair before leaning close to the glass. He breathed out, letting the screen fog up. Then he shakily wrote three words, “I love you.”

“What?” Logan asked, eyes widening. 

“Everything I did was because I love you. I wanted Remus to get away from you, so I made it so he would be out of our lives.” 

“No,” Logan whispered. 

“And if I was angry with you, I’d never hurt you. I’d take it out on someone else. Which would make Remus look worse and worse as they found more and more bodies.” 

“You’re sick,” Logan whispered.

“If you call being in lovesick, then I’m chronically ill. But you must admit, you loved it too. We were so happy together. Just the two of us.” 

“I love Remus, not you.” 

“And that’s the problem, my love.” Logan shakes his head, trying not to cry.

“I need to go.” He said and dropped the phone before rushing out the door. Roman banged on the glass, calling his name. But it was too late. Logan was long gone.

~

Logan ran into the hallway, straight into Remus’s waiting arms. He was trembling, his face red from crying. 

“Are you okay? What did that bastard say to you?” Logan shakes his head. Then he reaches up, cupping Remus’s cheeks.

“I want to marry you, Cephy.” And the joy of that sentence took over everything else. Remus spins Logan around joyfully as he presses kisses all over his face. He gently slipped on the ring, and Logan’s entire body relaxed as he ran his fingers over it. This was  _ real _ , he was  _ here. _

Later, Logan would tell the police, his therapist, and Remus what Roman had said. And it would get out to the news. The citizens of the town would be so angry about it that Roman would be killed two months earlier than he's supposed to. 

But for now, Remus and Logan just held each other close. And enjoyed finally being able to do so. 


End file.
